magic

11:35 pm: i gave up jesus for lent.

11:08 am: ruthless
so here's the dealio with me lately:

i teach a private swim lesson to this girl who is cool and could be quite good one of these days. i feel really bad for her though b/c she has to have surgery on her knee (torn meniscus)--she's only 12 yrs. old, so you know that has to be rough. i try to keep her positive; you know, let her know that we'll get her back in shape when the time comes..but also imparting words of caution about giving the body time to heal that have come from years of experience. in addition to the lessons, i have been trying to get a non-competitive swim club together for the young kids who one day want to swim on a team--i am the head coach and have say in what they do...pretty sweet. i guess now i just need to get some swimmers signed up. but the best news might be that my old high school coach has been chatting with me about the possibility of me taking over the head coaching position for the girl's xc team next year! holy crap...that would be fantastic. i would have so much fun. man...

also, my back has been feeling really well lately. i swam 2000 yards yesterday--which is over 1 mile for you runners--and i am pretty psyched. maybe i am on the mend for good.

ok. well, i am thinking good thoughts for all my friends who are taking finals. con mucho carino,
magico

10:54 pm: why log in?
all i want to say is that the pattern, the routine doesn't make me unhappy per say; it just makes me nervous. like i hope it isn't a patter...you know? does that make sense?

i'm pretty good, b/c pretty good is what it is. and i am trying not to try so hard. sometimes i don't do so well, but sometimes i'm an ace. (it isn't a pass/fail option...thankfully).

is it ok to say that i miss you all? in different ways.

08:56 pm: well...so...and soforth
it has been a long time since i've updated the old lj--but life trods forward and over the other bits, so it is, so it is.

i could attempt to fill in the voids and blanks and dark holes (a la steve vilt and his crazy long weekend wrap ups); that, however, isn't always my style.

i'll just say that life is life, i am living and working and having fun = trying to make sense of it all.

today gerry and i went to the indiana state fair. now, if any of you aren't familiar w/state fairs in the midwest, i'll just tell you that they are crazy and so much fun--what with the piggies and cows and sheepies and awesome mid-west accents (and belt buckles). the highlight of my day came round about 4pm when i milked a cow for the first time. i think i was a pro b/c that old heifer gave it up like jon marcus did to the powell's. for my efforts i received a sticker that said something like: "milk a cow? wash your hands!!! i did!!" yes, i did both. it was great. oh, and we saw the world's largest boar...complete with the world's largest set of testicles...huge. giganto.

anyway, that's how it is here in good old indiana. good fun and big testicles.

goodnight.

`magic

10:47 am: friday
f-ing going camping!

09:56 pm: in indiana...
so

i am back in the 'ville as my town is lovingly known, settling in for what should prove to be an interesting summer. and i use interesting to mean exactly that: INTERESTING. so far my parents have not gotten on my nerves too bad (a little...but not enough to make me want to kill--that's for later); i successfully completed my first day of teaching high school spanish classes; and i made egg and turkey biscuits for my dad for supper (oh yes, i am the master chef!).

all in all a pretty good day.

what i lack:

my penguin
the amount of patience i would like to have one day


other than that...eh

magic

02:34 pm: not quite descartes....but that's life
"i think, therefore i am confused about who i am."


sometimes we just need to find what will passify both our mind and our body enough so that we can see things for what they are--beautiful, not beautiful, real or not real, this or that. what passifies someone else will not always passify you. ok?

03:53 pm: from an old japanese tea ceremony master
a flower is beautiful because of the fact
that it does not try to be beautiful...
it merely is

03:26 pm: and this one...
he's so cute...

01:44 pm: just one thing...
take a look at my RIGHTEOUSLY SWEET ICON!

02:26 pm: pandas are an endangered species....
well, well, well...look who's back in town. yeah, it seems the lj business ain't quite what it used to be. so it goes.

onward. a few things:

1. joelle--you are gay, your dad used to be gay and your mom is most assuredly gay. you are the "gaygers" (note the incredibly clever play on your last name there). and naruto is a good anime--you should take it up seeing as how your inu yashu left you at the door.

2. jon--you are gay (except when you are with your lady friend...and then you are r-e-a-l-l-y gay). but i like your hair--it look like a lion mane.

3. vilt--i've said it before and i'll say it again, stay the f! away from gerry! you are gay, he is not...just get over it already. have you used the "heaven/hell" bit yet? it's a good one, it is, be careful how you use it. ladies love, vilt, laydees love.

4. daniella "i like to steeple and hurt my back" padilla--stop. you have the swayed back that likes it hawt in the 1500. i am totally chunged out i tell you...

4. pinguino, que guapito estas...te doy un besote mas tarde cuando te veo. y como sabes, nunca estoy enojada contigo--creeme, amorito...nunca. pero hoy yo estoy bien cansada--pandita cansada--entonces porque no dormimos por un rato antes de clase? si, es lo que quiero....te veo tarde. hablamos. tengo una sopresa tan bueno para ti!

alright. other than that life is fine. i haven't run in about 3 months--here is my journal log book (a la jon marcus):

mon-sun: o miles--all by myself

that's right, jon, i am mocking you. anyway, it's nice to see you kids around the compound every now and again. i get out of here in a month and a bit--it will be like the shawshank redemption....

magic'

05:28 pm: the life and times of Mook: prologue
well, it's done for now. the old body needs a rest and so i must concede. i fought, i pleaded--ok, i begged--but it was supposed to be this way. and so this is how it will go for me. perhaps it's best to say it now, to name it and breath it into existence so that i can begin to come to terms with it and in time, chip away at the essence of its "realness". so(deep breath in),"i am hanging up my running shoes for the time being. when or if i shall return to collect them off the hook, i cannot know or say." it's sad, yes, but it was a good go for a while there--so many mornings and evenings, footsteps in certain directions, times to feel powerful and times to feel extraordinarily weak. it was fun. and maybe it will be again (i still have a pair of sweet racing flats that have only 1 race to their name). and maybe it will remain only what it once was, the way certain memories remain sad, sweet, uncertain. no i wait for the peace....if there is peace to await.
magic

09:38 am: wednesday's are middle mornings
i <3 mi pinguino.

04:08 pm: boo-hoo
it's my party (almost) i can cry if i want to.

what i want for christmas:
1. a new spinal disc that isn't broken and torn
2. someone to take care of my guido for the holdiays
3. an extension on my research report

come now, santa, these are not difficult requests...are they?

10:23 pm: what you have to understand is......
we made a turkey yesterday. potatoes: mashed. yams: candied. pumpkin pie: sans crust. the beer was made by holland and mexico and brought to our land by a big semi-truck. my dad used to drive a semi-truck. he never brought beers home.

i spent almost the entire day in bed. i only ventured out at about 5pm. 5pm! what am i, some sort of cs major? no, i was having nice dreams that weren't dreams and "pillow talking"--i couldn't help it, it was so cozy.

i worked on the archaeology data. finding areas within areas and describing walls and structures and wondering, always wondering. that's what i do, see...i don't sleep; i only think. every tick is a new firing of a neuron in your direction, a new utternace to wonder about (why did he say that? why didn't she say this?) the project is going to be good....b/c that is what i do. wonder. and wondering is archaeology. though it isn't digging up dinosaurs. that is paleontology. sorry to totally shatter your perceptions. but that's what growing older is--shattering of perceptions, dreams, too, maybe.

i haven't been writing lately. they always say that you write most when you are unhappy and maybe when you are happy, too; but it's mostly during the depressing times that you can articulate every shadow, every lonely thought that scratches at your insides, wnating out, every piece of something that falls out of your hand into the wind. i guess that's why i haven't been writing lately: i can't see the shadows right now; i can only feel their presence somewhere in the loneliness. but they aren't close enough to give me goosebumps with their caresses. but i want to write. not b/c i am sad, but merely b/c i can. b/c i want and need to try and develop my writing. i have pages of blank parchment. i miss it, the writing. i wonder when it will come to find me again....

well, i suppose that's my post. good night and good day.

09:44 am: animalitos
penguins and pandas should live together in the zoo....if i had a zoo, then that's where they would be.

the last month of school is such a piece--papers, tests, "study sessions". honestly, enough already!

ooh, a friend of mine is giving me his 2 year old computer--it has xp, a cd/dvd player-burner and is sooo much better than my piece that keeps shutting down and dying and being a little b*@#h. i love dat--now maybe i can watch movies in my room--whaddya say there, pinguino? good stuff.

there is a dinner party in the works for my birthday...jon, daniella, joel and vilt you guys are all invited and expected to come if you can. it will be on my birthday, ded. 4 (saturday) at a time to be disclosed in the near future. you will be receiving invitations in your mailbox (so check it) as well as an email--all of this coming soon. so please try and mark your calendars...i'd like my friends (plus joel) to be there.

ok. that's all. no dfc salt today--no grumpy bear for this morning shift. only wishbear (i wish i was with you...)

05:00 pm: that's ok boys, you're still legit
you know, parties never did "do" it for me--not in highschool and not now in college. it always seems as though semi-exclusive "hangout" groups form and i never know what to say to people (b/c i never really join a group)...so it's pretty much a fun-filled evening of standing around when i could in fact be doing something else...alone, in my room.(yep, nerd) however, they are made infinitely more enjoyable (even venturing on fun) b/c of certain people (also considered members of the marine bird category *wink*). i find that i am having a lot more fun lately (those flightless birds are just super i suppose)

anyway, congrats to the men's/women's xc teams for their showing at regionals and just b/c you aren't going to the big dance, boys, doesn't mean you have to sit home alone--you need to get yourselves ready for t/f. a big "yarp" to baby-gays marcus for running like a little bastard--that's what i like to see (it's about damn time. but better late than never i suppose as some are wont to say....

well, i can't tell if the big bad shot has had any effect on muh back...a fact which is disappointing and even bordering on irksome (i feel a little angry...) but i'll give it a few more days and then start doing stuff again and just see (maybe if we wait long enough, just waiting and seeing, we won't have to DO anything--ref. "cider house rules"). anyway, i don't know...i'm not sure if i want to get another one (will it even work/help?) well, if you could, think good thoughts for muh back (we appreciate it)

good races and good night.

10:42 am: not such a morning personf
remind me to try and not take any morning shifts next semester...especially on fridays--these people really piss me off. maybe i just need to get back to sleep. yep. true story.

that's all i have...(wow, not a good post)

08:02 pm: i feel those memories of life and i smell them in the air
this was the best "fall break" i have had since coming to columbia all those years ago; those are some of the most tangible memories i have ever recollected.

it started off with a good show from my friends on the men's and women's cuxc teams--the blue wave cometh....
and then we kicked it together later that night as ghosts and gouls of all sorts at the annual postheps/halloween party (is it me, or do most girls' costume ideas involve the word "slut"?--in the words of one steve vilt, "since when did the little princess wear a slutty dress?")
saturday was spent in dream land...and i mean all day--i didn't do a damn thing (and i loved it) and i did'nt even think about doing a damn thing. me and my pillow (and my very own "electric blanket") were inseparable. and pinguino and i cooked up some homemade arepas--they were legit...
and then sunday was a mixed day of work, marathon meetings, dinner and some sleep before i had to wake up on monday at 530am for my shift at the dodge (though thanks to daylight savings time, this felt later)...
which brings us to monday = the fabulous day of hiking up at bear mountain park. pinguino and i hiked part of the appalachian trail and up to "Anthony's nose." it was, in a word, breathtaking--and don't let anyone ever tell you that feeding the ducks and playing in a huge pile of leaves isn't what "older" people do....that kind of fun can't be restricted! and then getting to hang out with vilt, joel, baby gays, big d/hotcake and pinguino--them boys taking a quick run to the fairway to get some choice pumpkin pie (vilt staying behind to gossip and kick it with the ladies--"vilt sensitive") and then watching the presidential bashings on snl while consuming 2 whole pies. what is it about pumpkin pie that brings people together?--it's like a funeral or a potluck (or both, if you are from the midwest)
and then today was the transition day back into "real school time"--work, studies, practices, computer screens to stare at...and i realize that i am pretty tired of all that business; i'd much rather have the goings on of the previous few days....

so tomorrow is the day i get my first spinal injection--it'll be like the time i had to have a berrium iv--radioactive melody...only there will in fact be no radioactive dye in the needle, and it will hurt a whole heck of a lot more....ah, so it goes. i hope it works...

in sum: f-ing awesome election day weekend--so many memories and so many tangible feelings; f-ing crappy school/study time; the injection hour is nigh. i wouldn't trade this life for all the caramels in all the coffee shops in the world (slight ref. to "good will hunting"). b/c i could spend a thousand, ten thousand, lifetimes looking an never find experiences as perfect as these nor find someone as unbelievable as you.....

and now it's back to "the grind"--but the difference is this: so many reasons to be happy

09:44 pm: mamma said only playas is 'round here.....
well then play, playa.

a big shout out the MEN'S AND WOMEN'S XC HEPS CHAMPIONS (making history, kids, making his-tory)

kisses,
the p